Aiming for 51% Lisp By Mass, Not Volume

You should probably just read all of The Knowledge for Thirst [via Jennifer and gavin]. I know I will.

On Pibb Xtra:

But like I explained to Marco, The Glass of My Needs contains my desire to take my neighbor's yappy little poodle and put it up on the roof of the high school, and he was saying that the Glass of The World's Needs is full of many things, such as dogs not liking to be on high school roofs, and high schools not wanting dogs on their roofs, and poodle-owners wanting their dogs to be on the ground at all times. And I was like But Marco, my glass is right in front of me and I really want to put the poodle on the roof of the high school and he said that maybe if I look again the Glass of My Needs is actually full of Peaceful and Legal Conflict Resolution Resulting from Open Conversation with my Neighbor about his Annoying Dog. And I just remember staring into the glass for a really long time as the room began to spin around me—the meds were really kicking in—but I think I managed to find a drop of Punching Marco in the Face deep down in my glass before they grabbed me from behind and dragged me back to my room.

So: about the Pibb Xtra that I'm drinking.

Code Red:

I can feel its nanobots building cities of refreshment in my heart.

Smoothies:

I want to walk into a store and see where my bitch-ass whim takes me, is that so hard to understand? Didn't we just blow up Iraq to make the world safe for make-your-own-smoothie shops?

Posted by jjwiseman at August 07, 2003 08:55 AM