This exceeds the usual cheeziness allowance for this here web log. But it's the average that's important.

Isaac Hayes' Three Laws of Robotics [via Mike, and jwz]:

1. A robot must risk his neck for his brother man, and may not cop out when there's danger all about.
2. A robot must be a sex machine to all the chicks, except where such actions conflict with the will of his main woman.
3. A robot must at all times strive to be one bad motha-shutchyomouth.